Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Mr Big Stuff ... I think you're going to get that far ... ok that didn't work ... whatevs!

Ok ... are we over dude food yet?* If we are going to parlez american, then lets get down and ghetto with some soul food. Which is exactly what some enterprising soul(s) did. And we brought on the funk ... ok ... well we tried to ... in our anglo-asian way.

I defy you not to think of that song, or that chorus, or see the white suit and fedora hat when I tell you that the name of this joint is Mr Big Stuff .... *who do you think you are* ... sorry I couldn't help it. ... what the hell ... here ... suffer!! (There are worse earworms out there anyways).

Lets get on with it. Currently this hot spot is known as much for its fun atmos and staff as it is for its cocktails and food, so its best to book if you want a seat.

We were lucky to score prime pozzie at the bar on a recent CBA Friday Night. And I'm not exaggerating when I say we fair giggled our way through the meal. There was something infectious about the place, including the CDJ standing in front of a couple of static decks, playing my jams baby! (Anyone who drops Kid Creole in a set can trow-drop me anytime!!)

Having perused the menu beforehand, we pretty much knew what we were going to order, including our starting cocktails. These were reasonably priced at $12.50 a pop ($8.50 for the kiddies versions). Going the whole ghetto hog I had to have me some waddermalen - the Wicked Watermelon to be exact, comprising of Ketel One Vodka, Cold Pressed Watermelon, Fresh Lemon Juice and Soda - refreshing! (Ok ... at the 5.32 mark).

Our friendly waitress who had a bit of a young Scarlett Johanson vibe going on for her, recommended that we start with the Pigs Ears Chips ($8) and the Pickled Okra ($4), both great starting choices. Although I have a preference for the ones served at Builder's Arms, these pigs ears were suitable crispy with a nice salty crunch.

I love love loved the pickled okra. Not super vinegary, just the right amount of sweetness and tang.

From the Mid-Stuff section of the menu we opted for the Jerk Chicken Wings ($12) and if you know me thats a no-brainer, a side of Corned Bread ($6) and the Mac & Cheese ($12) which was another Scarlett recommendation. Good call Scar-Jo!!

Mama needed a little more Jerk in her chicken, know what I'm saying!! So this played it a little too safe for it to be trully memorable. We may try the Fried Chicken and Waffles next time instead.

The cornbread was sweet and smooth like the best pikelet you've ever had.

But the Mac & Cheese was the absolute star of the show. Comprising of 3 cheeses including a Comte, this is no plastic Kraft brick in a box number, but something slightly more refined and gourmet, but still willing to bump and grind it with a smattering of crusty ho crunchy cheese bits on the top. I'm ready for another serve right now!

From the Big Stuff section we chose the Blackened Snapper & Clams ($32) which comes served with Black eyed peas ... and you can't get more JJ Adams than that! This was delicious, but as is the case with these things, you guts yourself on the starters and then the main brings you too close to the edge for it to be completely enjoyable. But we gave it a right hot crack and were pleased to find a well-cooked piece of fish in an unctous yet curiously light clam chowdery sauce.

  Sadly we were too full for the Sweet stuff, so there's yet another excuse for a repeat visit. Can I hear you say Hey Miss Carter??!! Go.

Mr Big Stuff on Urbanspoon

* If not, can we be??!!

Thursday, 26 June 2014

The Clever Girls at Clever Polly's

Ok ... without giving too much away it was an evening when we needed to clear the air and find some sort of polite distraction in the hours between closing for the day and opening for the night.

I had read about this newly opened establishment on Broadsheet and suggested we have a quiet drink to lift our spirits. So that's how we ended up at Clever Polly's.

Situated on the border between West and North Melbourne, this is the less travelled end of Victoria Street, which in my opinion makes this wine bar cum store that little bit more special.

The wine list here is carefully curated as is the selection that can be purchased in the store. The staff here are knowledgeable and suitably enthusiastic so don't be afraid to ask and discuss. You can also refer to the Field Guide that they supply you with along with the drinks and food menus.

I absolutely adored my glass of La Distesa Verdicchio (2012) from Marche, Italy. Imagine a honeyed Chardonnay mixed with a crisp cider (yes you got that right!). I loved it so much I had it again on a subsequent visit.

M got to try the Vinterloper UWP Red # 1 (2013). This is a wine produced as a result of the Urban Wine Project and the grapes have the dubious distinction of being crushed by the feet of the wider community in Fed Square! For a bit of a hotch potch blend this was surprisingly delicious and imminently quaffable.

If you are a little peckish there is a small selection of vittles to be had. Again you can consult with the staff as to which wine to pair with what food. We had the selection of Cured meats from Salumi Australia ($22) which is a good way to start.

We also tried the Brioche soldiers with cumin and ricotta ($7) which almost burst the banks, rich as it was - the brioche came in unexpectedly thick slices.

On a subsequent visit we sampled a bit of the Comte on offer. Again I encourage you to ask which is the best cheese for the wine you're drinking or vice versa.

I love Clever Polly's and look forward to many impromptu and perhaps not so impromptu drinking dates there. Go go go!

Clever Polly's on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Mozzarella Bar - memories of Florence in downtown Seddon

Ok ... I'm working my way through the pile of unfinished blogposts and I've decided to  dispense with chronology entirely because ... well frankly the bitch is tired ... so like Tamar Iveri, you just need to suck it up ... 

Anyhoo, its always a pleasure to review an eatery in the local hood, particularly one that has finally broken the run of less than satisfactory recent CBA Friday nights.

Covering a fair bit of frontage on Victoria Street, Seddon, Mozzarella Bar a recently opened Italian eatery is already in full patronage swing.

There are no design surprises as far as the fitout is concerned, although I feel that underneath all that wood veneer lurk the ghosts of neon, chrome and steel pasts. Still, they do have the prettiest wood fired oven all covered in shiny milky blue tiles.

And I pray to the gods of intellect and sophistication that the accents promulgated by the friendly staff here are genuine as the alternative is a look too far into the abyss.

But lets turn our attention to the food, because at the end of the day, thats what we're here for.

The Pizzas coming out of the oven looked and smelt delicious, but as we were both not in pizza munching mode we approached the menu in the same way we did in Italy when we holidayed there last year - i.e. a Primi (shared), a Pasta (each but this time we weren't that hungry so we shared) and a Secondi (shared).

As a Primi we ordered the Gamberini ($14) described on the menu as "Crispy Freshwater Prawns, Spiced, Lemon Rocket & Chilli". There is something about the smell of charring prawn shell ... so wonderfully evocative of holidays by the sea ... or seafood at pre-developed Punggol, embedded clam shells in the dirt crunchy under your feet ... aah ....

But then there's something rather disheartening about Prawns that are overcooked or burnt ... much like the Winter's day outside the window waiting to nip at my extremities as soon as I step outdoors.

Mozzarella's offering is teetering on the burnt side. I had to brighten the photo above considerably and still you can see how brown and dark the shells are, instead of the enticing pinkey orange we're more accustomed to (crispy school prawns being the snack de jour at the mo!). Having said that, there was not a feeler or leg left on the plate by the time we were finished.

For our pasta we shared the Filei di Mamma ($18) - Pine Nuts, Pesto. This simple dish of Florentian styled pasta was simply wonderful. A definite highlight of the meal, and a dish I hope to return to on future visits. I think that with pasta, the simpler it is, the more satisfying. You should definitely check this one out when you go.

Our Secondi was equally impressive. We had the Agnello ($28) - Chargrill Lamb Cutlets, Roasted Potatoes, Red Pepper & Eggplant Caponata.

The lamb cutlets and potatoes were cooked perfectly. The potatoes tasted like they were cooked in a stew and then roasted to finish them off. Delicious! And the Caponata was well balanced and a perfect foil to the rich meat. Also another dish I would recommend and hope to have again sometime in the near future.

All in all, Mozzarella Bar is a welcome addition to the culinary pantheon of the West. Keep 'em coming world!

Mozzarella Bar on Urbanspoon

Monday, 23 June 2014

Facts are fact and Fiction's fiction - Watching the Liars at The Corner Hotel

Ok ... with that motorik shout out the crowd loses it shit ... and I am in very present danger of losing my head as arms flail and bodies thump as hardcore dancing ensues ...

I forget that Liars was born out of the fetid swamp of thrash metal and the band has shouldered that sensibility along with some of its fans on its journey into the uneasy world of EDM ...

Angus towers above us in his technicoloured woolly balaclava, removing it only to uncover cobain styled root bound blonde tresses (not real) that hides all expression from view ...

Julian mans the skins with pithy concentration, his dark bearded looks making me feel all funny ...

Whilst Aaron gives off some Nick Rhodes realness as he twiddles knobs and punches keys ...

My body spasms involuntarily in time to the relentless beat and in my mind I am the coolest of the cool ...

Meanwhile the hipsters have stayed at home ... aha aha

Darkness Darkness - A Random update

Ok ... 

In darkness
Where my dreams are all too clear

Darkness, darkness

Filled with all the sounds of fear

I hear voices (don't turn out the light)
Calling faraway

I see shadows (don't turn out the light)
Moving, changing shape

(An Excerpt from "Darkness" by The Human League)

Not too long a wait for what comes next ... 

*Photos taken at Little Lon - Melbourne Museum

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Eat8bit - Finally a burger joint in Footscray - CBA Friday that wasn't a disaster - Phew!

Ok ... so its finally open - Footscray's first ever burger joint - called Eat8bit (or is it Eat8bit ... answers on a postcard). Forgive me for being slightly out of the loop but I still don't quite know what the pun is. I know that 8bit is of significance to gamers, and is slightly retro, slightly vintage ... am I right? Hence all those Hama Beads concoctions of old school video game figures masking as table numbers. Very cute btw, or is that not what you're meant to say in these postpostpostpost modernist times.

This was 8bit's opening night and they were under the pump! They had run out of a few bits and pieces and couldn't offer everything on the menu by the time we got there. BUT, they told us at the very start that this was the case so we were well and trully forewarned. And during the time we were waiting, they came over at least twice to apologise for the wait and offered a free serve of ice cream on the first, and a drink on the next. Other newly opened eateries should take note.

Slightly dissappointed at not being able to order the Cheese and Bacon Fries or the Onion rings, we opted for Potato Gems instead and a burger each.

M had the Altered Beast - Beef, Bacon, Cheese, Grilled onions, Lettuce, 8BIT sauce, BBQ sauce ($9.50). And I opted for the 8bit with Cheese - Beef, Tomato, Lettuce, Red onion, Pickles, Mustard, Cheese, 8BIT sauce ($8.50)

But first up was the Peanut Butter Milkshake ($6.50) which was ... and I'm going to sound like a middle aged tragic now ... da bomb!!! Not quite a thickshake and therefore not so gut churningly creamy, with the peanut butter flavour oozing through like a nice warm blanket of nostalgia. M really didn't want the drink to end. I only had a couple of slurps as a whole one would have killed my delicate lactose intolerant linings, but I think I would suffer a day's worth of painful bloating for my own serve next time.

When those burgers finally made it out of the kitchen to our little window bench, I'm not sure if its because we were castaway sized hungry, but that first buttery bite was like a heady shot of dopamine and we couldn't speak until we had at least 3 more bites down the gut.

The patty is the right side of fatty, enough to give it that juciy meaty flavour whilst still allowing the other complements to shine through. But I believe its the 8bit sauce that trully delivers. And could be mildly narcotic because I think their burgers can become a little addictive. Sorry waistline, it is what it is.

We're certainly going to be back at the next opportunity. Quite a few things to work our way through on the menu. Top of the list is those onion rings, and then its the After Burner (Beef, Tomato, Red onion, Lettuce, Cheese, Chilli sauce, JalapeƱos, Chipotle mayo - $9.50) and the Golden Axe (Crispy fried chicken, Cheese, Sriracha mayo, Slaw - $9.50) for me.

Oh you are so very very welcome 8bit to the Scray!

Eat8bit on Urbanspoon

Friday, 9 May 2014

Roti Road to Disaster!

Ok ... if this post were a video it would start with a slow shake of the head and a heavy sigh. I'm still not sure if I should be posting this as I don't believe in unwarranted and circumstantial negativity. But we have wanted this for so long, I can't give up without a fight.

I write this piece as a form of encouragement and also hopefully as constructive criticism because I really want this place to succeed, not just in terms of being a profitable business in the monetary sense, but also being successful the quality of both its produce and its service.

Lauren of Footscray Food Blog's post on the newly opened Roti Road on Barkly Street sparked a mild panic attack with hyperventilation and squeals of delight! The dearth of decent Malaysian fare has been the big disappointment about the area we are otherwise so happy to live in. It was with genuine excitement when we rocked up at Roti Road on a CBA Friday, already anticipating many more CBA Fridays here to come.

It all started well. Having expressed our surprise at the generous space, we were initially shown to a small table at the very front door. But our waitress noticed the draught and organized a table further out the back without prompting. And the place was already well and truly packed and pumping by the time we arrived.

On hindsight, we gave the staff a little respite since we can be frustratingly slow orderers (if there's such a word). But once the business end was over and done with, we sat back and patiently waited for our evening meal to begin.

We ordered:

1 Plain Roti
1 Roti with Onion and Egg

1 Char Kway Teow
1 Nasi Lemak with Fried Chicken

1 hot lemon tea
1 iced lemon tea

Our drinks came out first. My Iced Lemon tea was the real brewed deal so I was happy. M was a little less certain with his, but to be honest, if you are going to order hot lemon tea at an Asian restaurant then ...

M's hot lemon Tea

It would have only been about 15mins in when someone not in uniform (so presumably of some kind of managerial rank) came to our table and asked whether we had ordered? And because the question was slightly unexpected and we didn't respond straightaway, he then proceeded to apologise for the delays as the kitchen was really busy. Ding ding! Warning Bell # 1.

It wasn't that much longer before the first dish arrived (so up to this point, apologizing for any form of tardiness was a little unnecessary). And guess what it was - the damn Char Kway Teow! She places it in the middle of the table and I push it towards M, and she asks in puzzlement "Oh you're not sharing?" and I go "No I'm having the Nasi Lemak". Ding ding! Warning Bell # 2

Without putting too fine a point on this, Kway Teow is a specific type of noodle and Char means Fried. What that means is you can't simply substitute any kind of rice based noodle if you do not have Kway Teow! That's like saying I am giving you Spaghetti Bolognese, but using Parpadelle instead! So if you want to serve Char Kway Teow but with Pad Thai noodles, then change the name of your dish to something else. Also the balance of flavours was a little off. Too much dark Soy in the mix which cut the sweetness of the dish with an unwelcome amount of bitterness. M did not like it. And it takes a lot to make M not like his food.

Ok while M tries his best to stretch out a 5 minute meal into 15, I sit there waiting, stomach slowly devouring its own lining.

He's nearly at the end when my Plain Roti arrives. The Roti is good. Freshly made and just the right balance of crispy/flaky to my liking. The accompanying sauces are great too, full of flavor and interest, although M finds the dahl (or is it mung bean?) a little chewy.

Then its yet another wait during which they come round to re-assure us that our other dishes are on the way. It doesn't really make the time go any faster.

M's Roti is next to be served which he finishes off accordingly. And I am sat there puzzling as to why our Rotis were not made and served together at the same time. Especially since they have already marked our table out as experiencing delays ... Or have they? Ding ding! Warning Bell # 3.

By this stage we already knew what to expect - our dishes were arriving one after the other with a delay between each serve - mildly irritating like a buzzing mosquito that won't quit, but not quite the restless sleep of jungle Malaria. So its their first official night and maybe they didn't quite anticipate the crowds ... totally understandable, surely.

But after they cleared that second tray of Roti from our table, the wait was getting noticeably longer ... and our patience and sense of fairplay were wearing decidedly thin.

Bear in mind that up to this point, I hadn't technically been served a proper meal yet. And we had already been at the table for well over an hour.

We asked our waitress to check and see how long it was going to take for the rest of the dishes to come, and she said she would. To be honest, I don't really think she did. And what's worse, I don't believe she ever intended to!

So I gave them another 20mins which stretched into 30mins and before I had a chance to call someone over again, another waitress comes over and asks if we were still waiting on anything, to which the reply was a resounding Yes.

Off she trundles to wherever it is they go, and about 10mins later comes back with a piece of paper and goes "Did you order the Nasi Lemak?" Another resounding Yes! To which she responds with an apology and says they have run out of rice and would I like Noodles instead!


I exercised enough self restraint to not have sworn once, but I told them exactly how I felt in no uncertain terms. It was not a proud moment for me, but I think we had been more than reasonably patient.

Here are some of the choice phrases I used:

"totally unacceptable"
"can I speak to the manager"
"you can't have Malaysian food written on the front of your shop and run out of rice"
"who's manning the pass in your kitchen"
"we're unlikely to come back"
"what are you going to do for me now"

In summation here are some pointers that I have for management:

- train your staff to be knowledgeable in the cuisine you purport to be serving
- do not hire staff who make an irritated face and go "what?" when someone asks for a teh tarek and something typically Malaysian
- when you have already identified a problem with a particular table, make sure that whoever runs the pass in your kitchen is aware of this and pays close attention to the relevant docket
- If the freshly made Roti is the holdup, apologise to your customer and ask if its ok if the mains are served first
- Do not assume that a 2 person table will be sharing all dishes ordered - clarify this point first if you are anticipating delays
- and if someone asks to see a manager, do not get your staff to "pretend" to be a manager just so the real "managers" aren't bothered with difficult queries about the level of service that they are responsible for in the first place

Roti Road on Urbanspoon

Vale Sue Townsend - Thank you for Adrian

Ok ... firstly how am I only just finding out that Sue Townsend has put down her writing implements for the last time and is now chortling up a storm in literary heaven.

I remember picking up The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole for 50p at a WH Smith from one of those twirly racks like the ones greeting cards are usually stuffed into.

Picture this little spotty Anglophilic 15yr old delving into the world of 80s thatcherite England full of teenage angst, feather fringes, licorice all sorts earrings and pencil skirts! I was in heaven and gave myself loads of knowing looks and nods of approval in the mirror as sadly I was basically friendless at that point in my life.

So here's to you Sue!! For giving me Adrian Mole, who was my best friend in proxy. And here's one of my favourite poems from Adrian's secret diary:

The Tap (Tuesday, 13 January)

The tap drips and keeps me awake,
In the morning there will be a lake.
For the want of a washer the carpet will spoil,
Then for another my father will toil.
My father could snuff it while he is at work.
Dad, fit a washer don't be a burk!

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Hey Sister Go Sister Soul Sister Go Sister ... be your Lady ... erm ... Moustache?

Ok ... I write this post with trepidation, because in my twisted mind I feel as though I have some influence (which is of course a total joke!) and by writing about an establishment, I may encourage increase traffic or patronage. And I'm being slightly protective of this lovely new watering hole in the hood. (We don't like tourists down these here parts!)

Lady Moustache has been a Gamon Street resident for well over a year now but its just that little further out of the hustle and bustle of the main streets of Seddon for it to always be the one cafe you drive past and go "oh I wonder what that place is like ... must check it out next time" ... and never do, obviously.

But this time round we felt like (a) an alcoholic beverage and (b) something non-Asian for our CBA Friday repast. And so we finally made it!! And guess what ... we loved it.

So the food isn't quite of the blow your mind category, but it certainly is slightly above average. There is a reasonable wine list and a plethora of spirits and beers to choose from, and service is friendly, and in one instance extremely charming ... *cue early Prince song*

Its one of those conglomerate tex-mex-spanish-tapasy type menus where you are encouraged to share. Again something we were up for that night.

Let me apologise for my lack of attention to detail in regards to the menu. I will paraphrase as best as my memory serves me. I generally go to places such as these firstly to eat, and if I am suitably enthused by the experience to spread the good good (ok too much Beyonce at the mo) around by blogging.

As with every first visit to a new eatery we had to try their signature dish which was the Cuban Black Bean Rice (I think I got this right) which sadly was the only dud of the night. Well I say dud, but I honestly think that my version of this dish would win hands down in a cook-off. If you want a rather prosaic version then check it out here, but I'd hook a brother up with heaps more cumin and a sprinkle of dried chilli flakes for a little pep!

We also had the South American crispy fried chicken ... my appetite for crunchy battered fowl remains unabated. Still not quite in the celestial realm of a good Korean Fried Chicken, or the Malay style found at a reputable Nasi Padang stall, this dish was delicious enough and certainly moreish, but it was let down by the rather unconsidered smear of limpid chilli mayo (was it?). Thankfully chipotle chilli sauce came to the rescue. The accompanying lentil and chickpea salad was yummy.

Ourr third, but not final, choice was the Crab Cakes. So they weren't quite as firm or even as crisp as we thought they would be, seeing as they were served in a Mango soup. But in comparison with the horror we recently had at another establishment slightly "north of the border", Lady Moustache's offering was a culinary delight.

That slightly rancid seafoody taste (ok this is just my personal opinion) of pre-prepared crab flesh with its herb inflected batter combined nicely with the sweet pureed Mango soup and the corn, avo and tomato salsa - the taste of a tropical beachy holiday with each mouthful. Definitely a must try. Oh and what looks like a rather miserly serving of chips, is actually Sweet Potato ... ok yes still miserly!

We figured we could squeeze in just one final shared plate but unfortunately they were out of the Cheese and Chorizo Empanada (we will seek this out at our next visit and also ... typical!), so we opted for the Prawns (see previous comment about remembering menu descriptions) instead.

These could have been a little spicier (yes we are those people!) but I couldn't fault the freshness and the consistency. Just enough give but not quite flailing in the mouth like a drunken prawn at a Chinese celebratory dinner. I believe there was some kind of salsa or guac underneath, but really the crustracean was the main event and everything else was just filler.

A lovely new drinking hole that actually has above average bar snackage and is reasonably close with ample street parking ... next up breakfast and hopefully on the balcony off the second floor ... oh and the charm of youth!

PS - so is this end of Gamon Street actually Yarraville or is it still Seddon? Or are we wasting time splitting hairs?

Lady Moustache on Urbanspoon
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